Dinner at La Bruceliere in Issigeac, France May 2022

Rocky and I recently returned from France where we hosted three yoga retreats over a six week period: two in Bordeaux and one in Chamonix. Between the pre-retreat prep and the post-retreat laundry and recuperative downtime (aka collapse), I was not inspired to write any blog posts until now. Thank you to those of you who checked up on us to find out if we were OK because I had not written anything in so long!

One of my favorite parts of our retreats is the opportunity to gather around a table together, eating delicious food and catching up on each other’s lives. In Spain we call that time spent lingering at the table after a meal: sobremesa.

Now that we live in Spain, my connection with friends and family back in the U.S. is much more sporadic. Sure we have occasional phone calls and Zoom sessions but with a nine-hour time difference, picking up the phone to talk to someone because I’m thinking of them in that moment is more difficult and the call usually needs to be scheduled for another day. By the time we actually connect, I’ve often forgotten what I wanted to share!

In addition, the day-to-day story telling with people who I don’t connect with by phone is reduced to Facebook, Instagram and WhatsApp snippets and photos. At those times, I really miss sharing conversation with close friends in a meaningful way.

To have the opportunity to converse slowly; to hear an entire story from start to finish without interruption; to watch people’s expressions and body language as they share their lives; and to laugh together is absolutely magic to me. Even when I lived in Washington and saw my yoga community  weekly, I longed for more chat time after classes. I refrained from grabbing people’s ankles to prevent them from leaving, but I was often tempted!

On retreat, we not only share meal times around a long table, which are great opportunities to connect with the whole group, but we have time to talk while we walk or hike on a trail or when wandering through a village market.  These in-person connections are a balm to my soul. They cure me from the homesickness I feel from time-to-time living so far away. Practicing yoga together in person and being able to hug each other freely also feels like the perfect medicine to heal those parts of me that felt lonely and shut-down during our worldwide COVID isolation.

One of my favorite quotes from poet and philosopher David Whyte, speaks to the miracle of being a witness to someone else’s life journey.

“….the ultimate touchstone of friendship is not improvement, neither of the other nor of the self, the ultimate touchstone is witness, the privilege of having been seen by someone and the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence of another, to have walked with them and to have believed in them, and sometimes just to have accompanied them for however brief a span, on a journey impossible to accomplish alone.” David Whyte https://davidwhyte.com/

Knowing the “high” I get from being with “my people” on retreat, you can understand how easy it is to fall into  “Post-Part-From-Them” blues when I return from a trip. It is not as severe as the post partum depression that some women experience after birth but it challenges me none-the-less.

After reconnecting with my sweet pup Wilma, and unpacking a carry-on full of dirty clothes, I feel an inevitable funk come over me that has nothing to do with laundry.  I let myself  wallow for a few days, and then I finally remember how grateful I am to have created a life where I get to enjoy these heartfelt reunions on a regular basis.

In addition, Rocky and I live in a country that actually applauds slow meals and long conversations. Traditionally, Spanish people gather for their main meal between 1:30-4:00 pm. Schools, many stores and businesses close during this time to encourage families to eat together.

Whether eating at home or meeting friends in a restaurant, the midday meal is slow and leisurely and often includes three or four courses: a starter, a main and a dessert. The time following the postre or dessert is called sobremesa and can last anywhere from a half hour to an hour.

Sometimes those gathered around the table, share stories over coffee and/or a shot of liqueur called a chupito. If you are eating in a restaurant, waiters leave you alone to enjoy each other without any pressure to leave. In fact, it is often difficult to get a waiter’s attention when you are ready for the bill because they are so accustomed to letting their customers visit.

Now that we are back in Gijon and summer is here, we’ve reconnected with some of our local friends who we didn’t get to see while we were traveling. Rocky and I like to say we rented our apartment terrace and they threw in the apartment because we love being on our outdoor terrace so much. The apartment also came with an outdoor table and chairs so we can comfortably seat six outside.

In the last few weeks, we’ve had a mix of Spanish and ex-pat friends over on several occasions. Each time, we invited them for comida, the main meal, at 1:30 pm and each time, our sobremesa, the post-meal conversation and laughs, lasted between five and ten hours!! Yes, you read that correctly!

Sometimes we stood up and used the binoculars to check out something interesting on the dock near-by but for the most part we stayed at the table the entire time. No rushing.  Just slow food and long conversations. Now that is sobremesa at its best! On two occasions, Rocky and I even wondered if we should serve our guests cena, the lighter dinner Spaniards typically eat around 9-10pm, because we were still at the table at that time!

Starhawk, an American author says, “We are all longing to go home to some place we have never been — a place half-remembered and half-envisioned we can only catch glimpses of from time to time. Community. Somewhere, there are people to whom we can speak with passion without having the words catch in our throats. Somewhere a circle of hands will open to receive us, eyes will light up as we enter, voices will celebrate with us whenever we come into our own power. Community means strength that joins our strength to do the work that needs to be done. Arms to hold us when we falter. A circle of healing. A circle of friends. Someplace where we can be free.” Starhawk https://starhawk.org/about/biography/

After a long afternoon of sobremesa, my heart is as full as my belly. Here in Gijon, we are gathering with new friends with whom we do not have as much history but we are taking the time to build memories and to really get to know each other. Maybe, in time, I won’t experience such intense feelings of loss when I leave a retreat group because I’ll be rushing home to spend time with our local friends!  One will never be more important than another…just a swing of the pendulum the other direction to another circle of friends, another community built on slow food and long conversations.

Lunch on our terrace with friends. July 2022

Notes from the author: 

Slow travel, like slow food, invites you to relax, reconnect with yourself and finally get some much-needed time off from your hectic schedule. In the Puglia, Italy Walking & Yoga Retreat we will saunter, sip and savor. The word saunter derived from the word santren, means to wonder or muse, to be in a state of reverie. A state of reverie is exactly what we hope to achieve with a daily morning yoga practice and slow walks through the Puglia countryside. We will also enjoy long, leisurely meals together where we celebrate the best of Puglia’s cuisine, as well as creating meaningful connections with each other.

The only thing not slow is how quickly our retreats sell out! Find out more about our Italy retreat here:

https://globalyogatrips.com/puglia-italy-walking-yoga-retreat/