Phone A Friend

Remember the game show, “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” where contestants chose to phone a friend when they needed help? We all want to phone a friend when we are in trouble, right?

When I lived in Spain, my friend Henka was often my first call whether I had a bad day or a good day. Sometimes all it took was a quick WhatsApp (similar to texting) exchange with Henka to make me laugh out loud. Other days, a long walk and side by side chat was in order. I was happy to be one of Henka’s favorite phone-a-friend choices, as well.

The first time I met Henka, after the initial niceties, she bravely announced, “You should know…I have terminal cancer and am not sure how long I’ll be around. There may be days that I have no energy or feel too ill to do anything. I don’t want to have to pretend that I feel good, if I don’t.” Grateful that she shared her story, I told her I wouldn’t be easily scared off and promised that we’d make the most of whatever time we had together.

In spite of her diagnosis, Henka spent more time enjoying life and creating normal routines than lying in bed. She dove into her Spanish classes, joined two book clubs and traveled when she could, exploring her bucket-list locations in Spain and other parts of Europe with her husband Cheluis.

Last year, her treatments started to fail, and she spent more days feeling crappy than in the past. She fought to keep her normal routine of Spanish classes and book club meetings but had to cut back on travel. Instead of meeting for coffee at a cafe, my dog Wilma (a big Henka fan) and I would visit her in her apartment.

Henka’s last days came too quickly for her family and friends. Although, she’d warned me that our time together might be limited, I wasn’t ready for it to end so soon.

After Henka was gone, I found myself talking to her while walking Wilma and was often reminded of her when visiting any of the places where we had hung out. When we moved away from Gijon, I thought it would get easier without all of the reminders, but Henka’s smile, her wacky sense of humor and her laugh stayed with me. Many times, I’d forget for one sweet moment that she was gone and reach for the phone to call her.

On Tuesday, a couple of friends and I drove to Sacred Waters, in Union, WA. Formerly known as Harmony Hill, this has been one of my favorite places to host a local yoga retreat for the past 15 years.  Harmony Hill was recently purchased by the board of St. Andrews House, another retreat center on the adjacent property.

Since I’m hosting two retreats at Sacred Waters later this year, I wanted to see if the place felt as sacred as it had when it was our beloved Harmony Hill. Gratefully, I found very few changes. The new Sacred Waters team, led by Dan Oberg, seems to be just the right group to continue to nurture this healing place.

Facing the Hood Canal and the Olympic Mountain range and backed by a beautiful forest, Sacred Waters can’t help but feel holy. Harmony Hill was originally founded as a retreat center to support cancer patients and their caregivers. To help finance free retreats for their own guests, Harmony Hill invited yoga studios and teachers to host yoga retreats when they weren’t offering their own.

It was a rainy, misty morning when we arrived on Tuesday. The dampness didn’t keep us from walking our favorite trail behind the center after our site visit, though. Our destination was the peaceful, Grove of Grief, a clearing among the Alder trees with benches for contemplation and its very own Wind Phone.

This Wind Phone is an artistic version of a phone booth, complete with an old-fashioned phone sitting on a shelf. In 2020, after reading writer and poet Mark Nepo’s story The Wind Phone, Denise Carrico and Michelle Gustafson, who both worked at Harmony Hill, were inspired to build this phone booth out of branches from the surrounding forest of alders.

In Nepo’s story, the women met Itaru Sasaki, a Japanese man who lost his brother, many neighbors and friends in the 2011 tsunami that destroyed his village.

Wrestling with his grief, Itaru moved an old phone booth with an unconnected rotary phone into what was left of his garden so that he could “call” his brother and the others he had lost. Word spread quickly about the healing power of this wind phone and people arrived from all over to take a turn calling those they had lost.

On Tuesday, I climbed the wet but beautiful trail to the Grove of Grief, hoping for some time to connect with Henka in this peaceful, healing place. It is the kind of place she would have loved. In July 2023, I had come here to talk to my dad and another dear friend.

I entered the phone booth and carefully lifted the phone off the cradle. The hushed atmosphere of the forest inspired me to talk to Henka in a whisper and to listen carefully for her reply. I have chatted with her frequently since losing her. This time though, contained by the phone booth and surrounded by the Grove of Grief, I felt an even closer connection to her.

When I finally hung up and left the phone booth, I felt lighter. The Grove of Grief is decorated with Tibetan prayer flags strung from the tree branches near-by. The prayer flags are marked with mantras, prayers and symbols representing peace, compassion, strength and wisdom. It is thought that the flags send our prayers on the wind to benefit all beings.

As I turned to look back at the grove one final time, the wind caught the flags. The moment felt both transformative and profound. I promised to return again and again to phone my friend as well as my other angels.

Tibetan flags sending prayers on the wind

Notes from the author:

Click here to read Mark Nepo’s story, The Wind Phone.

Our 2025 retreats at Sacred Water filled quickly. However, there is one single occupancy room left in our November 2025 retreat. While there, you can make your own calls on the wind phone. Tell me more!

Long walks are another way to connect with those who have passed, to contemplate any big transitions in our life and to appreciate the healing power of nature. Join us in Tuscany for Walking & Yoga in September 2025. Tell me more!